My husband and I knew we wanted to have children, but in our first year of marriage, we were faced with some medical issues (on his part) and spent much of the year in and out of the hospital. He wasn't well, and it wasn't time for us to bring a child into the world. After his recovery, we thought, I felt, that it would be difficult to conceive. He had been on so many medications the previous year, and was still on quite a few. I had moved away from prescriptions and tried to take a more eastern approach to my health, but his body was full of toxins (my opinion) because of his medications.
Although we hoped for a child, I didn't expect it to happen quickly or easily. I had friends my age, I just turned 36, who had gone through fertility challenges, and I sort of imagined we would need assistance with conception; still, I had faith it would happen when and how it was supposed to.
I'm a globe trotter. Before marriage, I'd lived abroad in Europe and Asia and I'd traveled the world rather extensively. My husband hadn't seen much outside of the US; he'd never been to Europe, and it was my intention to show him as much of the world as I could, when he was able. Almost one year after his extremely invasive surgery, I was able to take him to Ireland and England for two weeks. It was there, unbeknownst to us, that we created a baby.
When we came home from the trip in late June, I took a couple of at home pregnancy tests because I noticed my cycle was late, but they both were negative. Still, I needed to see the OBGYN for my yearly, so I quickly scheduled my appointment and went in to see the doctor. The test they gave me in the office showed a possibility of pregnancy, but was so faint there was really no way to be 100% sure without blood-work. I went next door to the lab, gave a sample of my blood, and got a call a little later stating that my hCG levels were elevated. The doctor said I would need to come back two days later to give another sample of blood. I did this, and got the call one Tuesday afternoon soon after. It was July 10. I sat in the parking lot outside a home store and the doctor explained everything to me, very vaguely. He said, "You're pregnant, but not very...you have to walk before you can crawl." I was partially in shock. I called my sister, who knew I was possibly with child, and I called my husband. I told them both on the phone, then ran in the store to find something grandmotherly so I could tell my mom.
A set of cocktail napkins which read, "Things are about to get awesome," was all I could find. It would have to do. I was on a time crunch. I drove to my sister's office where my mom and sis were both at work, told my mom while my sister videoed, and then headed home to a meeting. I couldn't believe it, and when my husband got home from work, I don't think he believed it either.
A lot of things go through your head, at least they did mine, when getting news like that. I was excited, a bit shocked, and also a bit nervous. I assume it's normal to get nervous about being pregnant, but my nerves were not because I was having a child. I'd always wanted to be a mom and I believed I'd be a really good one. I'd been an educator for years, had babysat since I was ten, had nannied, au paired, etc. so I felt comfortable with being a mom (even though I realized it would be very different with my own baby.) My nerves were about my condition, and I wasn't sure what I needed to do to ensure both baby and I would be healthy throughout the pregnancy.
When you have limited flexibility, little core strength, and already have a lot of back pain as well as sciatica issues, you worry about adding on weight, carrying a child to term, etc., at least I worried.
When I went to the OB again and told him I had "a bad back," he handed me a pamphlet of back exercises and sort of excused me. I thought, "Next time, I'll bring my x rays so he knows what he's dealing with." I went home, and for some reason it occurred to me that Facebook had lots of groups, so probably there would be a scoliosis group or a back issue group that I could join...maybe even get advice from. I found three and introduced myself.
I kept thinking about a friend who had had the same surgery as me, double rod fixation, and how she had three kids. I remember her saying her first pregnancy was awful, and I felt I needed to get to the bottom of why. I reached out to her one day, about 13 weeks into my pregnancy, and had an amazing conversation with her. It was at that time I felt like I could really begin preparing for what I might face, and doing everything in my power to ensure my body was ready to carry this child.
My friend had endured a terrible situation in her first delivery. She said she'd gained 60 pounds on her petite frame, her doctor often dismissed her concerns about her back, and her fears came true in the delivery room when her epidural didn't work. She felt it all. Her anesthesiologist apparently stood over her in tears because he was so bothered by his inability to do more for her. She swore she'd never have another child.
Fortunately, she learned a lot through that pregnancy, and when she got pregnant again, she sought a new doctor who recommended she find a doula. When she told me this on the phone the afternoon we spoke, it sort of clicked with me...I'd only heard the term "doula" once before, but it was the week prior. I believe in signs and this was one for me. When my friend and I got off the phone, I started my research.
I posted a query on a Facebook group of moms in my area. I started googling doulas in Charleston, my hometown. I quickly got information regarding 5 or 6 doulas nearby, and I set out to contact each of them.
My friend had also told me that, during her second pregnancy, she did prenatal yoga for 40 minutes each day. When I said goodbye to her that day, I hopped on Amazon and ordered a prenatal yoga video. It arrived two days later and I started my daily practice.
I had overdone it the week before starting the yoga. On Sunday, I walked five miles. I came home and for the next three days, I iced my lower back. I made an appointment for a prenatal massage at a local spa, but I was terribly disappointed with it because it really didn't help relieve any of my tension...I am used to deep tissue massages, and the therapist wouldn't do anything like that because of the pregnancy. I'd been suffering from terrible headaches that week and I knew I needed a chiropractic adjustment, but I hadn't made the appointment because my insurance had recently changed and I wasn't sure of the out of pocket expense. Fortunately, when the video came for the yoga, I was smart enough to go a bit easier on myself, and that morning I only walked 3 miles before the 30 minute at-home practice. I felt pretty good that week, and so yoga each morning became a wonderful start the day routine.
Excited to have something in place, and to have meetings scheduled with 4 doulas, I felt pretty confident I was doing what I needed to to prepare for weight gain and other pregnancy conditions. It was only a start, but I felt like it was a really good one.
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